Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
