last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
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We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
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When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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