I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
