thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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