What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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