i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
send nudes
from the living room?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
