I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I understand Curling. That high.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
