haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
