Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
