well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
