...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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