I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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