he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
