He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just invented taco cereal.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
