Small penises have feelings too.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
