Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
