I wish I could punch you in the face.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
