You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
