Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
