My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
it's like iHOP with fire
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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