she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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