First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
