just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
