Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
