You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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