he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
