Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
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He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
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Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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