Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
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Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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