He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
