And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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