He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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