Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
