If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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