I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
