John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
