I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
