haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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