i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
