Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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