Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
