All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
