is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
