My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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