I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
