Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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