I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Alive.
So much puke
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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