i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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