I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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