i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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