I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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