A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
