The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
