actually, I'm a sock model
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
