i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
