Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
