So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
