We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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