I just gift wrapped bread.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
