So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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