i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
